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Who are you wearing?

Posted on Feb 25, 2013 by in Us

Many people have asked us (and my mother asks me on a daily basis),

“What should I wear?”

“Is this casual or dressy?”

“What are people wearing?”

“I have ten outfits I have purchased for your wedding, and I am slowly narrowing them down through an excruciating and confusing process that involves me calling and talking through each possibility until you feel part of your face go numb. What do you think of pantaloons?”

You know, stuff you would expect.

First of all, let me say, on behalf of Crawford and myself, we would prefer that you wear clothes. It’s not that we have anything against nudity, in fact, nudity is great – a good breeze on your nether bits can be both refreshing and invigorating – but for the wedding we would prefer that you err on the side of covered.

But we know that “covered” can be open to all sorts of interpretations. With all the various options in the fields of pants, suits, skirts, shirts, dresses, shorts, skorts, activewear, swimwear, jumpsuits, etc. we might want to give you some ideas as to what would be appropriate attire.

Here’s some background and some thoughts so that you aren’t a hot mess in a dress.

The Cedar House

We haven’t really explained where we’re getting married.  That might help inform appropriate attire.

We’re getting hitched at the Cedar House, one of the oldest houses in Clearwater. It’s not an old mansion, or some regal estate, it’s just an old house. It’s a comfy house, it has well worn stairs, windows that appear rippled in the right light, and little nooks and crannies that have no doubt provided excellent cover for countless games of hide-and-go-seek.  The mail slots set into the front of the house indicates that at one time the house held 6 separate apartments. It’s been the site for retreats, family reunions, vacations, anniversary parties, birthday parties, and weddings.

This rambling pale yellow house seems to have an endless supply of bedrooms and bathrooms, two kitchens, a pool table, a huge formal dining room, a couple of sitting rooms, and a spiral staircase that is going to be a really bad idea for some poor drunken soul over the course of our weekend.

It’s the biggest house at the end of street, backing up to the Clearwater inlet, in a simple, blue-collar neighborhood. The neighbors seem nice, they have cats that we’re told may wander over, and at some point we’ll probably have to keep the noise to a reasonable level.

Off the pool deck is a sloping backyard where we’re going to be entering into a binding contract recognized by the State of Florida. The grass is what we in Florida call “St. Augustine” which is code for “will eat your heels in one thoughtless gulp.”

And even if the grass was kinder to high heels, there is also the slope. Let me be clear – it’s a slopey slope. More than a beer or two, you could consider it a sloppy slope. Someone is going to eat shit on it. Probably me. I’m okay with that  – my dress has a train.

Yours doesn’t have to.

So ladies? Comfy footwear please. You’re in Florida; nice flip-flops are perfectly acceptable. In fact, most of us won’t even think twice if you’re wearing them. Six of my mother’s possible outfits have matching flip-flops.  It’s all good.

The Weather

The weather will be beautiful, because if it isn’t we’re all going to be stuck in that big beautiful house I just described and it ain’t that big or beautiful when you’re trying to cram all of humanity into it.

I suspect the high will be right around 82 with a southeasterly breeze and a moderate chop on the bay and inlet waters.  But that’s just a guess.

As a result, dress comfortably. Wear something that allows you to soak your feet in the pool, that let’s you play bocce in the backyard, that encourages you to roll down the slope, or wade into the inlet. Wear something that makes you feel pretty, handsome, charming, witty, and smart. Wear something that says, “I’m on vacation in Florida” (whatever that means to you). Wear something that says, “I’m in the theater, what? I always dress like this.” Sure the groom and his dudes and my dudes will be in jackets and ties. That’s because we’re the entertainment for the evening and we want to look nice for y’all.  Errybody else – just wear something light, lightweight, comfy, breezy, and expandable…

Cuz you gonna be stuffing your face full of pig.

Which brings me to two words that might sway your fashion decisions: Barbeque. Sauce.  Right? I know. I mean what sort of idiot would wear white to a barbeque?!?!?

Oh. Wait.